Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resources https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/t12711 Runboard| Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resources en-us Thu, 28 Mar 2024 18:17:55 +0000 Thu, 28 Mar 2024 18:17:55 +0000 https://www.runboard.com/ rssfeeds_managingeditor@runboard.com (Runboard.com RSS feeds managing editor) rssfeeds_webmaster@runboard.com (Runboard.com RSS feeds webmaster) akBBS 60 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p181235,from=rss#post181235https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p181235,from=rss#post181235AK~ FOO stands for Family Of Origin. Alot of our issues in life have been shaped by circumstances and/or events that happened in our childhood. I am one of those people and have my first appointment with a therapist tomorrow. I'm in my mid-fifties and have been dealing with (or actually 'not' dealing with) these issues all my life. I believe this, as the article states, makes us far more at risk of being targeted by N/P's. It's also what is making it so unbelievably hard for me to break out of this relationship I'm in. I know I have to do whatever it takes to do so as it will not end well for me if I don't get out. I'm falling apart a little more each day that I stay in this toxic place with N/P. For me therapy is the answer. I wish the best for you and everyone on here that is struggling. I have the utmost respect and admiration for those that have broke free....they are a constant source of support.   jules nondisclosed_email@example.com (julesann)Mon, 05 Mar 2012 06:32:11 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p181233,from=rss#post181233https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p181233,from=rss#post181233I still don't know what 'FOO' means. What does it stand for? nondisclosed_email@example.com (AKsuitedAA)Mon, 05 Mar 2012 06:12:01 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p181048,from=rss#post181048https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p181048,from=rss#post181048  nondisclosed_email@example.com (Affectionatedragon)Sat, 03 Mar 2012 15:02:23 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p151967,from=rss#post151967https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p151967,from=rss#post151967  nondisclosed_email@example.com (Affectionatedragon)Sun, 17 Apr 2011 12:08:22 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p147354,from=rss#post147354https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p147354,from=rss#post147354"Emotionally abused children grow up with significantly altered perceptions so that they "see" behaviors—their own and others'—through a filter of distortion. Many emotionally abused children engage in a lifelong drive for the approval (which they translate as "love") of others. So eager are they for love—and so convinced that they don't deserve it—that they are prime candidates for abuse within intimate relationships. The emotionally abused child can be heard inside every battered woman who insists: "It was my fault, really. I just seem to provoke him somehow." And the almost-inevitable failure of adult relationships reinforces that sense of unworthiness, compounding the felony, reverberating throughout the victim's life."nondisclosed_email@example.com (Affectionatedragon)Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:16:14 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p147341,from=rss#post147341https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p147341,from=rss#post147341  nondisclosed_email@example.com (Affectionatedragon)Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:31:14 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p133071,from=rss#post133071https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p133071,from=rss#post133071I am familiar Alice Miller's work, Yesenin. Thank you for mentioning it in conjunction with this thread. Most appropriate. I would also recommend reading John Bradshaw, in particular "Healing the Shame that Binds You". Alamobelle has mentioned his work several times on the boards and his writings should be included on this thread as well. Lynnnondisclosed_email@example.com (LynnS)Sun, 25 Jul 2010 11:48:47 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p133040,from=rss#post133040https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p133040,from=rss#post133040Thanks, Lynn. I 'd like to recommend an author on child abuse whom I like the most. Don't know if you're familiar with her work. It's Alice Miller. All her books are brilliant, but I'd like you to start with "For Your Own Good" or "The Drama of The Gifted Child" :thumbsup: nondisclosed_email@example.com (Yesenin)Sun, 25 Jul 2010 08:27:13 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p132991,from=rss#post132991https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p132991,from=rss#post132991since we have been talking about foo issues today...nondisclosed_email@example.com (Had Enough9)Sat, 24 Jul 2010 14:11:23 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p132788,from=rss#post132788https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p132788,from=rss#post132788Bumpnondisclosed_email@example.com (Had Enough9)Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:40:54 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p126638,from=rss#post126638https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p126638,from=rss#post126638Thanks Lynn... nondisclosed_email@example.com (Growing Strong)Sat, 29 May 2010 18:28:34 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p126473,from=rss#post126473https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p126473,from=rss#post126473Thanks for this thread. Just what I need right now.nondisclosed_email@example.com (jillybean123)Fri, 28 May 2010 09:47:02 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p126467,from=rss#post126467https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p126467,from=rss#post126467Bump :heart: nondisclosed_email@example.com (LynnS)Fri, 28 May 2010 08:52:00 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p124518,from=rss#post124518https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p124518,from=rss#post124518that's great Lynn thanks. I am doing some core work in therapy right now, and for some reason, this is the first time I have been able to hear the messages that reside in me It's kind of sad, that at 47yo, I was not able to connect with them prior to this age, but only reacted to them. My therapist is great. I am now 'learning'/trying to sit with myself to hear what exactly is going on inside... what is being said behind my anxiety and behind my sometimes wrenched gut. It's amazing to me that all this time I was just running from it, not realizing that I needed to maybe listen to it... but it is so scary. I really connected with what you posted, thanks.nondisclosed_email@example.com (gemini62)Fri, 14 May 2010 21:36:08 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p124477,from=rss#post124477https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p124477,from=rss#post124477What a fantastic thread! Thanks, Lynn, for it! Thanks to AD too for your thoughtful addition to Lynn's wisdom. Hugs, Hadnondisclosed_email@example.com (Had Enough9)Fri, 14 May 2010 17:02:36 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p124430,from=rss#post124430https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p124430,from=rss#post124430quote:Affectionatedragon wrote:  :thumbsup: "People who have not been given "voice" in childhood have the lifelong task of repairing the "self." This is an endless construction project with major cost overruns (much like the "Big Dig" in Boston). Much of this repair work involves getting people to "hear" and experience them, for only then do they have value, "place," and a sense of importance. However, not just any audience will do. The observer and critic must be important and powerful, or else they will hold no sway in the world. Who are the most important and powerful people to a child? Parents. Who must a person pick as audience to help rebuild the self? People as powerful as parents. Who, typically, is more than willing to play the role of power broker in a relationship, doling out "voice" only insofar as it suits him/her? A narcissist, "voice hog," or otherwise oblivious and neglectful person. And so it goes. The person goes in the relationship with the hope or dream of establishing their place with a narcissistic partner, only to find themselves emotionally battered once again. These are not "oedipal" choices--people are not choosing their father or mother. They are picking people they perceive powerful enough to validate their existence." Wow - that is sooooo sad and soooooo true. As a child, I was always on eggshells lest I should express an opinion that wasn't what my mother wanted to hear. nondisclosed_email@example.com (workinprogress)Fri, 14 May 2010 12:34:17 +0000 Re: Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p123769,from=rss#post123769https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p123769,from=rss#post123769Thanks Lynn :clap: nondisclosed_email@example.com (Echo4)Mon, 10 May 2010 13:55:20 +0000 Overcoming FOO Issues: Some resourceshttps://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p123721,from=rss#post123721https://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/p123721,from=rss#post123721Exploring Family of Origin issues is often a very big part of a target's recovery. We may need to learn self-compassion, overcome voicelessness learned in childhood, learn to reparent ourselves perhaps via inner child bonding in order to facilitate a better way of relating interpersonally going forward. Below are some resources that touch on a number of these topics. Lynn Learning to reparent yourself: inner child bonding. Developing self-compassion: This is key in learning to recognize bad behavior as bad. If you do not treat yourself with compassion in equal measure to those you are compassionate to, you will be struggling with boundaries. Exploring repetition compulsion: His traits draw you and you are trying to 'fix' the relationship with parents or some other person who was instrumental in shaping your emotional landscape through fixing it with him Voicelessness: typical of children of N's Resources Inner Child Bonding There are several Inner Child Bonding sites on the net. I am particularly fond of Margaret Paul's writings on this topic. She has a site on Inner Child Bonding at http://www.innerbonding.com. Many of her well-written articles can also be accessed online. For example, her article entitled Healing From Childhood Abuse http://ezinearticles.com/?Healing-from-Childhood-Abuse&id=324656 contains the following passage on Inner Child Bonding: quote:Healing from childhood abuse is about developing your loving Adult self so that you can learn to treat your inner child or inner children the way you always wanted to be treated." Several other Margaret Paul articles can be found here, at Ezine http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Margaret_Paul,_Ph.D. Some of the most relevant to this discussion would be: Discerning the Loving Heart by Margaret Paul http://ezinearticles.com/?Discerning-The-Loving-Heart&id=22094 Compassion: A Powerful Doorway to Personal Growth by Margaret Paul http://ezinearticles.com/?Compassion---A-Powerful-Doorway-to-Personal-Growth&id=26299 quote:"What if there was one choice you could make that would change everything in your life for the better? Actually, there is. It’s the choice to move out of judgment and into compassion for yourself and others." ------------------------------------------------------------------ Repetition Compulsion: From Richard Grossman's website on Voicelessness: Why Do Some People Choose One Bad Relationship After Another? http://www.voicelessness.com/repetition.html quote:"If only I had been different or better--then I would have been valued," is the usual refrain. Once the old relationship is sufficiently grieved, the person immediately resumes their search for another partner/lover with the qualifications and authority to again secure him or her a "place" in the world. Ironically, this "repetition compulsion" is hardly masochistic. Instead, it represents an ongoing attempt to heal the self, albeit one with disastrous results. The cycle repeats itself because the person knows no other way of preventing themselves from feeling tiny or immaterial." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Other Websites of Interest: Healing Your Inner Core Issues can be found on Bill Ferguson's Mastery of Life Website: http://www.masteryoflife.com/issues.html You Carry The Cure In Your Own Heart http://vachss.com/av_dispatches/disp_9408_a.html The Three Elements of Self-Compassion http://www.self-compassion.org/the_three_elements_of_self_compassion.html quote:"Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism." nondisclosed_email@example.com (LynnS)Mon, 10 May 2010 08:10:20 +0000