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Change9 Profile
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


quote:

LynnS wrote:

You're welcome, Change9.

You are so right. You've realized that you are already in the midst of what you thought you feared, so take heart. You can cope because you already are.

Lynn



Thanks Lynn,

Ive had to face what it really is already.

Jan/9/2009, 5:06 pm Link to this post  
 
Change9 Profile
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


quote:

narcissistjunkee2 wrote:

Actually Change9 I felt more alone when I briefly lived with the Xn then I do living alone now.

At least now if I'm alone it is because I choose to be alone for the most part.

With the Xn, I never knew when I'd be with him, when I wouldn't be him etc. I was kept in the dark and just had to go with the flow or with whatever he or his son was doing. Or, they would just take off and do things without me without any notice. And, I didn't live near any friends or family or near people that I coould socialize with.

Now I've put my self in a situation, like you are trying to do, where I'm around some friends, not much family to be truthful, and friendly strangers.

It's obviously a much healthier position to be in.



I have decided being alone in my own apartment will be far superior to this. I hope you are doing well and have some good friends. Friendly strangers are nicer to have then crazy Ns!



Jan/9/2009, 5:07 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


This Article hit home for me.

I can see how the more my narcissist husband's pathological behavior escalated, the more hysterical I became. Making him "see" my pain became an obsession. And the more I pleaded with him to acknowledge and fix the pain he was causing, the colder and more detached he was.

I don't know why one day I just knew it had to end. We were married for 20 years, but the last two almost killed me. I was afraid of being lonely, but nothing could be worse than dying slowly in the presence of your executioner.

Last edited by BusyLiving2008, Jan/9/2009, 7:08 pm
Jan/9/2009, 7:06 pm Link to this post  
 
Change9 Profile
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


quote:

BusyLiving2008 wrote:

This Article hit home for me.

I can see how the more my narcissist husband's pathological behavior escalated, the more hysterical I became. Making him "see" my pain became an obsession. And the more I pleaded with him to acknowledge and fix the pain he was causing, the colder and more detached he was.

I don't know why one day I just knew it had to end. We were married for 20 years, but the last two almost killed me. I was afraid of being lonely, but nothing could be worse than dying slowly in the presence of your executioner.



I was in that place too.

Where I pleaded with him to see and acknowledge my pain.

Today I dont care, even if I am still here, I am shut down towards him.

Realize he is like a robot.

You are right nothing is as bad as dying slowly in the presence of your executioner.

He has basically shredded my life to bits, I am walking.

I totally understand what you are talking about.



Jan/10/2009, 9:33 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


Bumping because it felt so good to read this again this morning.

---
With hugs,
Anew

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow". Mary Anne Radmacher
May/10/2009, 12:13 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


Some of the writings on this forum are absolutely breathtaking in their insight, honesty, and courage.

Thanks for reposting this, Lynn. Both the post and your giving of it are great gifts.

ogf
May/10/2009, 12:25 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


I'm glad you bumped this, anewthing.

OGF, you are so right. Breathtaking is the word. I am amazed each time I go back and read something again. I could read this particular post over and over, which I have, and still be moved and learn yet another thing I did not quite see before. It happens every day in some way regarding some post or other. The collective words on this forum truly are a gift.

 :heart:
Lynn

---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
May/10/2009, 12:52 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


Thank you so much Lynn, this really resonates with me.
I have questioned myself many times, how am I any different than the N? Am I just as messed up?
Now I know the answer. I am very grateful, and it validates my feelings inside about myself. This or he is not me or my world, I have so much more to offer and experience in this life.
May/10/2009, 1:12 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


Thank you Lynn for this fabulous post!!! I saw the reality of 28 years of my life within it. I have come so far in my 3 years of nc but I still am amazed at narcissism. I still feel a Great Sadness in regard to it. This sadness has changed, instead of a grief over my loss it is more of a pity for the xnh very existence. All the revenge I could want could not even come close to the very life he leads each and everyday. As for the ow I pray she finds out what it going on and heads for the hills!!! I know what she is going thru and would not wish it on my worst enemy. Sometimes all this knowledge shared on this forum brings my tears of relief and healing. THANKS EVERYONE!!!!! Gramechka
May/10/2009, 2:28 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: From the archives: "Ten Steps Out"


This thread reminded me that as disordered as STB ex N was during our marriage, my behavior was equally disordered. He was the center of my existence to the point that I disintegrated. What I became in his presence, particularly in the last three years, was an embarrassment --a screaming, crying, walking, breathing, embarrassing exercise in futility.

I've been away from him for nine months, but on at least five occasions, I've fallen back into the trap of trying to get him to see my pain, to acknowledge what he has done to me. Not only was it unsuccessful (of course), but, for him, it was a welcome opportunity to feel in control because I was so very out of control. And as an added bonus, he got to inflict some more pain to punish me for suggesting that he isn't perfect.

He has moved on to a new source of supply now. The only role I play in his life is adversary. So naturally, he must crush me and win at all costs.

God only knows how I got myself into this hell, but I can tell everyone here, that as time passes and I get more distance, I see that it metaphorically disfigured me.

In the 20-year marriage to a narcissist, my "me," for all intents and purposes, disappeared and "he" replaced me. I was absent from my own life. I abandoned, not only myself, but everyone else around me. And that's almost as criminal as his abandonment and abuse of me and those around him in his relentless pursuit of supply.

JMHO,
BL

Last edited by BusyLiving2008, May/10/2009, 4:10 pm
May/10/2009, 3:52 pm Link to this post  
 
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