Karma: 516 (+516/-0)
Do You Need The Abuser's Permission to Leave?
I read a quote on "Positive Energy" on facebook today.
"What will defeat you if you let it is not all the things you worry about, but all the worrying itself." -Brian Vaszily
Many times a victim will worry so much about all the "what ifs" that could happen if she leaves the abuser, she will paralyze herself into doing nothing but sitting and worrying more. (It could be him or himself!).
The victim will wait for signs and more abuse in order to feel justified in leaving.
"What if I am wrong about him?", the victim frets.
"What if he is right, and I have been the problem all along?"
"What if I can't make it without him?"
"What if he tries to destroy me for leaving?"
Some victims wait for the abuser to make it easy for the victim to leave, hoping the abuser will give them permission to leave, and will help take care of them doing so.
All of these negative ways of thinking have the same root. This is a feeling of having no personal power. A feeling that you can't make it for yourself, you need someone else to help you to do that. It is a false, negative mindset that will keep you forevermore mired in the pit of hell you are in.
Dependency is bred into you by the abuser in order to control you. You were systematically broken down. You could not have free will. Your personality was punished and rejected for having feelings and thoughts of your own.
You were brainwashed into believing you did not matter, count, and could not stand on your own two feet without the abuser holding you up because they were superior to you, and knew best.
In fact, you were punished in some way whenever you tried to stand your ground on anything.
"You", as a full functioning adult could not exist while staying in the relationship with the narcissistic psychopath.You were devalued, demeaned and emotionally discarded, even as you were made to be dependent.
You were conditioned to be dependent. To feel you were nothing without the abuser.
This is why you are terrified about leaving and living alone.
Apr/5/2015, 11:34 am
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