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Registered: 11-2008
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Scapegoat Blacksheep child born in Canada


Watch Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent's Projected Splitting
[url][sign in to see URL]

Background on experiences

I was the Scapegoat Blacksheep child born in Canada, to German Immigrant parents who I believe fled Germany to Canada around 1958 due to Hitlers machinations? Or to start over? Perhaps just an adrenaline rush?, they did not talk about it. My brother the Golden child is older. My father is in his mid eighties now, mother in late 70’s now, What I know about them is little. I was disgarded and threated as a family member at age 25, by my over-reacting, fearful mother who told me she would cut me off of family inheritance-which she did, and proceeded with intense gaslighting. Shortly after I abandoned ship and moved out of our town.

My father was diagnosed in the late 70’s as a Manic-depressive Schizophrenic. He was one, voices, visions, manic and all. I would add also a sadist, paranoid, Narcissist for sure not to mention for a time an alcoholic which of course was dropped for a religious [sign in to see URL] mother I would say is both a sadist and masochist. Both drank, smoked.

It was heart rending growing up with a bully brother(who is now unhealthy, divorcing, and alcoholic from what I know), a sadistic bully, Narcissist in the making, and them as parents. I had no alternative but to survive, detach, and love as best I was able other people. I was in awe though not jealous, of others who knew unconditional love when I grew up with authoritarian, dismissive, belittling, condescending, unpredictable, sarcastic, depressed, unemotional-except for anger, betraying nasty people. It was a cult. I escaped. This show was for closed doors. The public knew them as quiet, gentle people, perhaps a bit sarcastic a times. The abuse was psychological, emotional. There was no sexual or physical abuse.



Your youtube videos entitled ‘Faces of Narcissist Aggression, Identifying Abuse, and Ignored Abuse, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, pretty much sum up my childhood and teen life nicely. I paid dearly. Proximal abandonment.



During all of this, I in Veterinary Medicine as an assistant in both large and small animal medicine and surgery. What I witnessed was a blow to my psychological being. Abuse at work, on farms, in the open, consented. It seemed everywhere I went, the abuse and Narcissism even in Doctors was utterly inescapable. I worked for one doctor who threw scalpel blades across the room at walls if you even dared speak to him over such simple daily events such as arranging appointments, violent, aggressive with peoples pets. I left with a huge sigh, the medical insanity.



I did not blame myself, although not sure of what was happening. After reading about Narcissism both university level and popular work reparenting myself-if that’s even possible, applying healthier ways to interact with others. I refuse contact with immediate family, they have no desire to engage me although for a time I did try, there was no love or real relationship. It seemed after 25 years of not knowing me, it was as if time stood still, for them, not I. I had changed, got my smile back and they were still unreal. Staring a me with silent contempt and a wisp of, so?

Sam you are right about going no contact. If I had had children who would be their grandparents? Their family support?


 

The sadism you described as hurtful sentences, masquerading as helpful advice, bitingly humors digs, is the worst thing, torturous. Ambient abuse is the worst thing. It’s so insidiously manipulative and self esteem damaging. To this day, it grates on me, although you might not notice because I have had years pretending otherwise to survive. I wonder, where is everyone gone? I still get out look around, trust. We should be asking ourselves what is it to be human, where did humanity go? I think the level of Narcissism in society is due to generation after generation of unfinished emotional psychological dysfunctional family business combined with mindlessly getting drunk and laid, also today known as ‘ having a family’ (no implied sarcasm) has turned society into non reacting dead walking people, as depressing as that sounds. Not to mention children becoming exhausted by the numerous multiple fathers and mothers, step siblings, split parenting.





Comments:

Canadian culture, our generation and younger, no matter what your decent, just about everyone wants to be a rock star and it makes me sick. And your video on Atypical Addiction describes just about all the artist, musicians (mostly)Cerebral that I am in contact with (I do not consider them friends, simply work at times with them). I know one who was diagnosed with Atypical Depression! In reality a full Narcissistic/Alcoholic. Narcissists copy each other or claim to be above the plain crowd they play for, self-describing themselves as cool. Often I hear comments like ‘ I do not do things to impress anyone’, or ‘I do it my own way, I change it and make it mine’ In reality they do not know(or are aware) of who they are. They mouth the words with lack of feeling, often forgetting the words. The cult of the musician is born. Within the blink of an eye, copy, often stealing others work, ideas, deceiving, seemingly just for the attention (as you say, Narcissistic supply). Willingness to share is healthy, stealing is not. It’s all about making money and using other peoples money they say. Unable to keep deadlines unless getting paid to play and drink, getting up after 1 pm daily, take a shower every three 2-3 days. Then show up at events lavishly washed up, groomed, wearing jewelry ready for the grand attentions and photo shoots. In reality they are drunks, spending their wives/husbands work money, childs school funds to fulfill their addictions or buy gear.



Public events where the protection of others seems to quell the majority of [sign in to see URL] unpredictability is either infuriating, or downright repulsive. Simply communicating with them is tricky. Irritability dominates.


Your advice on dealing with them is excellent and it all does work. I have seen my experiences in your work repeatedly. Being raised by such people I am able to copy if need be them, mirror, abandon. Fit it temporarily. Psychological skills they taught me that I find passionately repulsive but use sparingly or when needed. If I have a choice, I refrain, seek peace elsewhere. As a result of living with such people I find myself quiet around the Narcissist, forcing myself to speak. Their projection, fakeness makes it feel like you are in a war, they are the enemy while they smile and do their thing. As a woman you are the child, in the relationship usually. Or worse, they project their view you as Twisted.




Setting boundaries is essential. Often though they do not adhere to any agreements no matter how firmly set. Threatening sueing worked for me on one occasion. Yelling works sometimes. That is not fun as I am not naturally abusive nor an actor. I know that a lot of women leave the workplace, or personal relationships because of that fact: the inability to work in fairness with a woman. I believe this is a main reason for so few lady CEO's.




The most useful techniques I know of and do myself are to go to bed early 10 pm to work by day, essentially eliminating the unable to stick to deadline types.

If you play with pigs, you get smelly, dirty and the biggest one tends to eat the most. Is it not better to avoid the pig, than to play with it? No wonder our Canadian society is has so many home based female businesses! I am not against men though, still do trust with my own guidelines, boundaries and work with a lot of men.



You are so right on about peoples descent being taken in account, in all discussion of abuse, as it is vital to know this to help people. The subtle perverseness of some cultures Narcissistic traits are not known by the average therapist or public awareness groups leaders.

Anonymous






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Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 16 books and video lectures on 3 DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Jul/7/2016, 8:55 am Link to this post  
 


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