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LynnS Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Hi, suzyq. You're welcome!

Lynn
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---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Feb/16/2009, 6:20 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


lynn

that is what I am doing?
I want him to take the pain away?
The pain that he caused?

NC is the cure?
Feb/16/2009, 6:28 pm Link to this post  
 
findingmeagain Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


My problem is most like Happy Cats. I miss the intimacy, fake or not. The hugging, the touching, the passion and just the snuggling. He made me feel beautiful. I was comfortable with him. It was a real feeling to me even if it wasn't to him. The physical touch was real, the physical hug was real, the physical snuggling was real. I miss that A LOT. That's what I tend to think about. I think that's why I cave.
findingmeagain
Feb/16/2009, 6:28 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


FMAgain.

I think about that too.
Then I replace it with thoughts of the D&D.
And then I don't miss him.

Maybe that will help you?

Feb/16/2009, 7:42 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


quote:

findingmeagain wrote:

My problem is most like Happy Cats. I miss the intimacy, fake or not. The hugging, the touching, the passion and just the snuggling. He made me feel beautiful. I was comfortable with him. It was a real feeling to me even if it wasn't to him. The physical touch was real, the physical hug was real, the physical snuggling was real. I miss that A LOT. That's what I tend to think about. I think that's why I cave.
findingmeagain



The minute I realized it wasn't real to him I was out of there. I can't force anyone to love me. I saw that he didn't have those feelings for me, not for me, not for anyone. It just wasn't there. He was empty.

He was an empty sack except for the rage, the dysfunctions, everything he did was pretending and manipulating, and controlling, that was all that mattered to him--duping and humiliating and feeling like he was "on top."

And that just killed it for me. I didn't want him to touch me after that.

It was the most humiliating and painful thing I've ever experienced.

I still missed the dream. I felt shattered by the loss of the dream. The dream that I would have romantic, intimate mutual love. With him. For once in my life! I'd waited my whole life for it. I thought I deserved it. I thought it was high time that I finally had the love of my life.

But that dream had nothing to do with the real him. The real him was my worst nightmare.

Sleeping with a man who didn't give a flying f*ck about me, who also lied to and manipulated me, who was also an outright psychopath? Letting him ever touch me again? How repulsive! I shudder to think of it.
Feb/16/2009, 9:21 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Oh wow. I bookmarked that second link. The assclown page. What little I skimmed was awesome. I'll give it good read when I'm fully awake. lol

---
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Feb/16/2009, 10:01 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


I'm at a good stage right now. I don't really think of him much right now. It's a great feeling. When I do start to think of him I get disgusted that I let him use me like a $5 hooker.

---
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Feb/17/2009, 6:42 am Link to this post  
 
LynnS Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


I noticed this comment on another thread:

quote:

What I find interesting is that the narcissistic thinks it's all about him or her, and long after that person has left, you continue to try to figure out their erractic and pathological [sign in to see URL]



Perhaps this thread will explain the obsessive thinking on the part of targets.

If anyone wants to add on to this thread and discuss their own struggles with thought stopping, that would be great.

Lynn

---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Feb/18/2009, 10:17 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


For me, the obsessive thinking is wanting a friggin explanation about Jekyll one minute and Hyde the [sign in to see URL] it hurts really bad. Rationally, I know that there will be no explanation, no closure, and its just up to me to process and move on.

[sign in to see URL] feel so horribly violated and I want to know how I could have been so wrong about him. Ugh.

Feb/18/2009, 10:37 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


It is an expensive option, but if I start to "miss" those halcyon golden hued days gone by (scant in comparison to the dark days of deceipt and betrayal), I just pop in the DVD from the deposition when my attorney called his bluff. Best $1,500 I ever spent. You can see the sweat breaking when his lies are checked and his mask fails more often than a pair of undies with faulty elastic emoticon A copy will accompany my will so kids will have the option to see, if they choose, their real sperm donor.
Feb/18/2009, 10:44 pm Link to this post  
 
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