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Elizabeth15 Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Dear Lynn and Everyone,

I stumbled across this website a few days ago precisely because I was looking for some help with obsessive thoughts about my ex-husband, his family, and their treatment of me. I'm just getting my head around the possibility that I might have spent the last 12 years living with someone suffering from this disorder. And it's great to find that there are people out there who know what I mean!!! Reading through your postings gives me the sense that there are people experiencing the same thoughts and feelings, that I'm not mad, and that there are techniques, such as thought-stopping, to help.

I don't know about anyone else, but I can give myself a headache, going over and over everything. I fantasize about possible meetings, rehearse (even aloud and sometimes to the mirror!) what I am going to say. It's like playing a video on a loop, and it seems to be getting worse.

I had counselling when I first left my husband (about 18 months ago - I'd been diagnosed with clinical depression), and while it was quite useful at the time to talk to someone, the images, and words, and the awful feelings of guilt just keep coming back. I sway from feeling outraged about the behaviour I endured for 12 years, to feeling that it must have been all my fault and that he was totally justified in his behaviour towards me. If only I'd been a nicer person, a more talented woman, my relationship would have been so much better.

I'm finding that I still need to talk about this stuff (apologies for the length of this posting), but I'm afraid that friends and family don't want to hear it anymore. And, to be honest, I tire myself out with it all as well, so I have been trying so hard, since the divorce came through last April, to block thoughts, to try and 'pack them away in a box' as someone suggested. The advice on this website seems to contradict this, so perhaps I'm in for a difficult few months/years!

The most disturbing and upsetting thing I've concluded in all my thinking over the past, is that my ex-husband - and his parents (bizarrely, they are part of this all) - didn't care about me one iota. I've only worked this out in the last few days. I could have been absolutely anybody - me as an individual didn't matter. This is VERY painful to admit, especially to myself. I wasted 12 years of my life on this person, and I was as dispensable as a piece of rubbish. I suppose that's what I thought (sometimes still think) of myself, too.

I do want this stuff to stop. I want to be able to let it go and move on. Just really struggling to do so.

Thanks for reading this!

Elizabeth
Feb/19/2009, 5:54 am Link to this post  
 
LynnS Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


I'm adding a few quotes from the thread:

What to do about the rogue thoughts?
[sign in to see URL]

quote:

Here are some techniques from Thich Naht Hanh:

- Half smile when irritated (make a half smile and take three deep breaths)
-Measuring your breath by your foosteps (see if you can lenghten the number of footsteps to breaths)
-Somtimes I repeat this poem of his as I inhale and exhale deeply:

In, out
Deep, slow
Calm, ease
Smile, release
Present moment, wonderful moment.
--From member yogatchr



quote:

solution: Like stated by someone in a previous post: take control of the thoughts and immediately switch reels. Do not indulge yourself in the thought. Soon, when ready.. start to be open emotionally to meeting other men/women. The distraction of someone healthy valuing you for who you are and actually SEEING you will be lovely.

Alternate solution: exercise. It will calm the anxiety guaranteed. Scientific proof exists.
From waterlooduke2



---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Feb/25/2009, 10:42 am Link to this post  
 
lola3 Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


I find my obsessive thinking about why this happened to me, how and when its gonna end has a specific role in my own healing process
I think its helping me go throught the necessary grieving process i have to go through to put this behind me and focus on the future
I also feel that imthinking about it because i need to understand why i attracted this person why i was attracted to [sign in to see URL] other words, theres a lesson there for me to learn
I need to understand this so it doesnt happen [sign in to see URL] ive enrolled myself in counselling sessions
I feel that if your proactive on the obsessive thoughts its a good thing and can help us [sign in to see URL] you just sit there and relive the experiences like a lump on a log they can affect ur life negatively
Feb/25/2009, 11:47 am Link to this post  
 
lola3 Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


I find my obsessive thinking about why this happened to me, how and when its gonna end has a specific role in my own healing process
I think its helping me go throught the necessary grieving process i have to go through to put this behind me and focus on the future
I also feel that imthinking about it because i need to understand why i attracted this person why i was attracted to [sign in to see URL] other words, theres a lesson there for me to learn
I need to understand this so it doesnt happen [sign in to see URL] ive enrolled myself in counselling sessions
I feel that if your proactive on the obsessive thoughts its a good thing and can help us [sign in to see URL] you just sit there and relive the experiences like a lump on a log they can effect ur life negatively
Feb/25/2009, 11:47 am Link to this post  
 
LynnS Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Bumping this one up.

Lynn

---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
May/29/2009, 1:18 pm Link to this post  
 
Munchkin1966 Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Thanks Lynn.... I'm going to read this one carefully. I think I need it right now.
May/29/2009, 1:28 pm Link to this post  
 
waterlooduke2 Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Sometimes now if I still sense that I'm on a 'spin cycle' of thinking it is usually something I want to be prepared to say to him, so it's a lot of narrative babble.

I do this:

I immediately write it down. It's releases those thoughts from my mind. I literally process them out of my head. It has helped immensely.



---
"Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering."

Carl Jung
May/29/2009, 2:16 pm Link to this post  
 
Cinder 15 Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


Excellent

Bump

---
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

C
Jun/29/2009, 10:46 pm Link to this post  
 
Recovering Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


This is a wealth of information. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

For me it is a validation. Even though I have come a long way in my recovery and have still more to go, I always keep these type of reminders around me so that I don't stumble and fall. It also helps me in my ministry with the batterred womans shelter, when sharing.

Jun/30/2009, 7:11 am Link to this post  
 
Findingme Profile
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Re: FOCUS ON OURSELVES: Thought Stopping


bump
Jun/30/2009, 8:05 pm Link to this post  
 
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