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steve137 Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


this thought creeps into my mind on occasion. i think it is because they have shown us two people and we hope that the one we like will emerge. it just isnt so. as quickly as i think maybe she can change i remember how much she hasn't. she was even in therapy or a short while before we got back together, but soon after stopped going. turns out she was lieing to her therapist anyway. how does a person say "i will never do anything that jeopordizes losing you" turn around and do the very things that made me leave a couple of months later. then continue to do so. once the trust is broken there is no going back. if any of us went back there would always be that anxiety about when it's all going to start again.
Mar/16/2009, 6:54 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


I struggled for years thinking he would change "someday".

After I found out about NPD and what I had fought against for so long was unchangeable, I had to leave.

I now know there is no going back, ever, for me. If anything, he is now worse than any other time. He rages at our own daughter, tells vicious lies, spouts out smears of me in public places.

Change??? Only for the worse.
Mar/16/2009, 7:14 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


I am also struggling with this; thank you Lynn. I have seen negative and positive changes in my N lately, and also came across ]an interview with our own Dr. Sam V that says there are some documented cases of a 'cure', but I know how rare that is, and I don't need anything else besides my own mixed up feelings to add to my malignant optimism. I'm stuck.emoticon

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- Meditation for The Day of Mastery (my birthday)
Mar/16/2009, 11:14 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Even if N was only 1% abusive, that is still too much for me. Why settle?
Mar/16/2009, 11:33 pm Link to this post  
 
LynnS Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Riddy mentioned the fear that he will be better with the NW on another thread which is one that targets struggle with quite often so I'm bumping this post.

Lynn emoticon

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"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Oct/29/2009, 12:14 pm Link to this post  
 
LynnS Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


From the archives. Bumping for newer members.

Lynn

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"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Feb/4/2010, 10:59 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


this is a wonderful thread Lynn.. I've come a lot farther than my last post in here. lol Thanks for the bump!

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"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Feb/4/2010, 1:53 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


bump
Feb/4/2010, 8:38 pm Link to this post  
 
Had Enough9 Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


bumping it on up
Feb/5/2010, 8:09 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


 emoticon

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"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Feb/20/2010, 6:40 pm Link to this post  
 
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