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pandoragirl Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Thank you Lynn. i needed that today!!

 I have not been on this board in ages. Hope everyone is doing well! This is a phenomenal support network!!

Hugs to all
Feb/21/2010, 10:19 am Link to this post  
 
Affectionatedragon Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


 emoticon

---
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Mar/4/2010, 7:01 pm Link to this post  
 
Keepontruckin Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


People have different pain tolerances. I'm sure this is related to FOO.

For example I have a very HIGH pain tolerance which is why I stayed with the f*ck up for so long.

Give her time. She probably has a high pain tolerance. I lasted 3.5 years.

---
formerly NarcissistJunkee2
Mar/4/2010, 7:16 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Awwww, don't do that to yourself.

You know better than that, or OW could be just as nuts as him.

Don't beat youtself up over it. You know what happens behind closed doors, the facade is always the easy part.

(((hugs)))
Mar/4/2010, 7:17 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


[sign in to see URL] affectionate dragon said in another thread: "That 'happiness' is just glitter on a turd" =D

Mar/4/2010, 8:00 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Thanks for this thread. It goes through my mind every single day. I am keeping a journal so that when I do decide to leave I can read through and justify to myself why I have left. There is still that little bit of doubt in my mind though that he could change and that is because I think he is borderline. On the flip side the trust has been erroded and I don't love him any more. Why am I still here?? I need to be utterly utterly sure for the children. My parents are divorced and I want them to know I did it for the right reasons but it is so hard being stuck in no mans land at the moment. Some times I just wish he'd have an affair so theres a cut and dry reason for me to divorce him or even get bored of me and leave...
Mar/5/2010, 5:36 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Thanks Lynn. the timing of this was perfect for me. The need for reinforcement never goes away.

Always look towards the light,
BM
Mar/5/2010, 4:29 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


This hits home for me. Very good read. I have to keep telling myself that there is nothing I can say or do to make him realize he treated me like crap. He still doesn't see that he did. But I see that I allowed him to and I have to change that in myself.

---
Setbacks are gentle reminders of the truth and help us to further heal. - I say this.
Knowledge is power. - Sir Francis Bacon
Mar/6/2010, 1:02 pm Link to this post  
 
Affectionatedragon Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


 emoticon

---
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Apr/10/2010, 11:11 am Link to this post  
 
married2god Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


NH has been in therapy continually since college, before I met him. 29 years later, he is still saying he will change. I spent 3 yrs in marriage therapy, and watched a virtuoso performance. What I learned there was to keep my mouth shut and make my own life separate from him or else be bullied by the therapist who was "helping" him come to terms with his tortured soul.

I then spent 3 more yrs in individual therapy to deal with family members dying, and my own symptoms. What I learned there is that there are some things that are just a raw deal, and just as N will never change, I cannot make myself physically well. When I learned to see his mental disease as the same as my physical disease, it came to me very clearly that I cannot exercise or take vitamins to cure a genetic disorder, and all the talk and SSRI's in the world will not make him into a normal, loving person.

It's amazing what this realization has freed me up to do. I can be myself, separate
and apart. No person, especially a sick one, can take me away from me.
Apr/10/2010, 12:02 pm Link to this post  
 
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