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LynnS Profile
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Bump

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"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Dec/26/2010, 12:17 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


 emoticon

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"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Jan/17/2011, 7:37 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


 :flower:

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"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
May/3/2011, 10:22 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Need to keep reading this. The n I knew plays in a public space and sometimes I see her online. She uses her new r/s to get attention and now that gay marraige is allowed in our state - she will use that too for NS.
Am I glad to be away from her insanity - her judgment of me? Her controlling and hateful company? Do I miss that person who adored me? Who wrote me poetry, sang me songs and laughed at my jokes? Yes, I do - keenly. But that person was gone long before the end.

I was not good enough to be loved - I was deeply criticized- and nw is worthy of all that affection and play. How can she tolerate that craziness?
There is no doubt in my mind that she is N - but how can people put up with it for years - marry it? I guess to be the consort of a person that people consider special is part of that ns for nw. I know it soothed my self-esteeem issues for a while.
I am exploring forgiveness - and I realize I don't understand it - but this is eating me up inside.

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If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten.
Jul/25/2011, 11:31 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Thanks for the perspective and re-posting of this, Lynn!

Fits right in with all I'm researching on NPD.

Ever forward and N-free! emoticon

Okie

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Okie
Jul/25/2011, 12:17 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


My problem is seeing him doing the things I begged him to do for 4 yrs. with the OW. Doing things with our 4 yr old daughter with HER when I begged. He moved in with his mistress and rumor has it they will be buying a house soon. We have only been separated for 2 months. WHY is he continuing to hurt me. He wanted out of the marriage and I complied with his wishes and now he blames me. Mirroring his guilt back at me. I am so tired of being the fall girl, I gave him what he wanted so why can't he just disappear? He has the OW to get his supply from now. I go from one extreme to the other. One minute I still want him back and the next he makes me sick to my stomach. Will I ever be able to control the ups and downs? I am in therapy and I feel good when I leave but then after a few days I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. I have loved this man for 1/2 of my life and I do not know how forget the love. I guess I still have the fantasy man in my head. I am as confused as I have ever been in my life and it is a struggle to get through some days.
Jul/25/2011, 1:29 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


quote:

sweetpeasmommy wrote:
I am so tired of being the fall girl, I gave him what he wanted so why can't he just disappear? He has the OW to get his supply from now.



I believe that the real juicy NS to the N is that he can shove that in the face of exW (us). That he gets even better NS from exW by knowing that she is jealous or hurt or in agony. It's a two-fer. He gets NS from NW because of his attention to her, and NS from exW because of his inattention, and doesn't even have to witness it, but if he gets to (say, because of the LC of having a child with exW), then it's a double win. NS all over the place. That's another benefit of NC, it limits our helping in the NS enabling game. They can just go looking for blood elsewhere.

Am I on to something?
T

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They'll tell us who they are--if we'll listen.
Jul/25/2011, 1:59 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Yes, I think you are right, Tired. They love to show the others how valuable they are. (Not.)

Hugs,
Had
Jul/25/2011, 8:05 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


Lynn,
 Thanks for the reminder they will NEVER be ABLE to change their ways EVER... If they cld or did, their TRUE selves wouldnt exist anyway since they have mirrored us and projected all the bad stuff onto us and actually their true selves are small sick children incapable of Playing Nice!!.

Their 'false self'IE:.. The mask they wore in the romantic chase and early days of r/s was an illusion and mask... So the person we were in love with never really existed... OUCH it hurts so much...
 Who knew that a childhood song ' There's a hole in the bucket' could have such a profound meaning!?..

This post was so timely as I was entering into a wobbly stage of dreaming that perhaps it was all a mistake and he was never NPD, OR if he was that yes, he could get better.. This post rang the alarm and WOKE me up.
 Jlx
Jul/26/2011, 10:21 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: What If He Changes? The Hole in the N's Bucket


I spent almost 3 decades in "Love" with & having 3 Children with xnh. Regardless of what I know & accept now once I adored xnh. I am a religious person & believe in Miracles but should xnh be miracously "cured", I would rejoice for him as a human being, no one deserves the empty lives n's live. But as far as breaking NC over this, NO WAY, there is too much water under the bridge & I would never feel comfortable associating with xnh in any way. Xnh almost destroyed me & I have come too far to reconnect with xnh under any circumstances!!! Gramechka
Jul/27/2011, 2:47 pm Link to this post  
 
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