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lola3 Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


no facebook no [sign in to see URL] mutual friends
no nothing
thats nc
Dec/22/2009, 6:02 am Link to this post  
 
almosttwentytwenty Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


When I first read about NC on the old MSN board, I thought, "that's crazy -- and, furthermore it's impossible for me. I'm still married to this guy! We have kids! We have grandkids! We own a house together, 401Ks together! I'll be financially dependent on him for the rest of my life!"

But one day, when I was at one of my lowest points, and had no idea what else to do, I decided to try it.

What it gave me immediately was a sense of empowerment. I obviously couldn't do anything to stop his outrageously hurtful behaviors, but right away it made me feel a little bit better to know I could put an end to (or at least severely cut down on) the additional accumulation of hurt.

I don't know where I would be right now without the NC principle, because it's THE thing that enables you to climb out of the narcissist fog.

I know a lot of bi-lingual people who say that after a certain amount of time living and speaking their "second" language, they have a really hard time when they try to go back to their native language.

As long as you're living in the n-world, speaking and thinking and hearing n-gobbledegook, it will be really really difficult to reclaim your native language.



Dec/22/2009, 7:14 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


*bump*

---
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." Mark Twain
Jan/5/2010, 1:36 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping



Really great post, Lynn. We all need the reminder-even moi. emoticon

Could this be made a "sticky"?
Jan/5/2010, 2:06 pm Link to this post  
 
LynnS Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Thanks for bumping this AD, and hi, wk! Yes, this could definitely be made a sticky. I think I'll do that right now.

Lynn

---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Jan/5/2010, 2:21 pm Link to this post  
 
helpme0999999999999 Profile
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Re: No Contact


thanks lynn---what a great day of posts and insightful [sign in to see URL] turned my day into a day i am saying to myself "i will do this--NC all the way" thank u.
Jan/5/2010, 5:19 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Thanks for posting this Lynn!

I didn´t know "not responding" wasn´t NC, so I learned something new emoticon

A great post!

---
True love doesnt hurt. True love doesnt leave you and True love never dies.

True love is patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping and never gives up.
Jan/6/2010, 12:30 pm Link to this post  
 
ONandUP Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


how am i supposed to go no contact when we have a child together? i wish he would just forget about me and our daughter, we live in a different country - after having tried everything i could to be friends with him to no avail, i now don't contact him at all, he doesn't contact me, doesn't provide for our daughter (despite being very wealthy) however he did send a christmas present with a rediculously gushing note, signing off "lots and lots and lots of love ...". his family also sent christmas presents and i feel that i cannot cut them out of their grandaughter/neice's life. any advice would be appreciated. i'm hoping if i just keep no contact with him, and keep very limited contact with his family, he might just diappear over the years ... but i'm not sure if it's a vain hope. the future scares me to be honest .... he is so rich (and so badly disordered) i wouldn't put anything past him ...
Jan/6/2010, 3:59 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


One last hurdle re NC is with one remaining person in my life who is a lovely elderly woman who was totally invested in what she considered the 'romantic' elements of my ill-considered so called r/s with an N. When I see her - which is about once a month - she will often bring up something I told her about the N in the early days when I was still being swept up and placed on a pedastal - some thrilling action of his - that she loves to relive and repeat to me. It drives me insane - and I feel the pain of it again. I have told her that I don't want to speak of him again - but somehow we end up doing just that. She is lonely and says we will have to get me a man [sign in to see URL] she really wants me to be happy and I like her company - she is a lovely person but doesn't understand - So the next time I see her I will have to be very conscious of this and kindly say that it is too painful to talk about - and then not talk about it! ( I know I am also at fault as well) and be very resolute about it for my own good. If I don't take responsibility to do this I will start to find her annoying and wish to see less of her.

So sometimes it is the nice people in our lives who make NC difficult - but we have to put ourselves first - for our own well-being tricky I know as always putting other people first and indulging them is part of the reason why we got sucked in by the Ns in the first place.
 
Jan/12/2010, 1:49 pm Link to this post  
 
desparatesue Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Lynn - This is my first "post". . I have been reading other replies and posts for a while. I truly believe my husband is narcissist. This was not obvious until AFTER marriage. .he was on his best behavior. . and still no one outside of the marriage realizes his "other side". He is verbally abusive, always criticizes, blames, twists situations around to fit his own purpose. He drinks quite frequently. He calls my friends (even the ones he has only seen once) that were my friends before marriage and tries to get them to say something bad about me. He talks to neighbors and belittles/degrades me. He is very tied to the hip of his parents. He is partial to his children over mine. He is very focused on his appearance and mine - physically. Everything is linked to sex. . . even took control of finances because he says I took control of the sex. . . I don't want to have sex when I've been cursed and degraded. I am always wrong in his eyes. Even if HE asks my opinion about something, if it doesn't match what he thinks, he will argue with me. . . then he will tell me that it has to be my way or no way. . . or he will tell me I'm an angry person. The list could go on forever, but I have truly been feeling like maybe it IS me. From what I am reading, it's really NOT. When I married him a little over three years ago, I uprooted my children (then 16 and 11) and moved 65 miles away from where we had always lived. . . giving up church, friends, school, etc. His children lived with us too (ages 16 and 13), but they really didn't have to make any changes. I have not had a job since moving here (even though I've looked non-stop). . . haven't found a church . . . .my daughter became Type I diabetic almost two years ago and needs his insurance. . . I have no income, will have no insurance, or any place to go if I leave. . . we have escalated in arguing, etc. . . in separate bedrooms, etc. . . then he will just decide that everything is okay and act as though nothing has been said or done. How can I not "dip" or have "no contact" when I don't have an outlet? I feel like I am losing my mind!
Jan/14/2010, 4:55 pm Link to this post  
 
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