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PiscesDream Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Lynn, you are incredibly wise! This is a great read. I am not going to blame myself anymore for having setbacks/moments of weakness. I'm human. Thank you so much for posting this because it helps to ease my anxiety over the whole thing.

---
Setbacks are gentle reminders of the truth and help us to further heal. - I say this.
Knowledge is power. - Sir Francis Bacon
Feb/26/2010, 10:47 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


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 Ughhhhhh.........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Today was a very slow, bad day & the gloaming hours are just upon me... always the hardest part of the day for me, when families are coming home & settling in together, deciding what to do with the remainder of the day that they have to spend together.

I've been paralyzed all day, infront of this computer.
    What a most beautiful sunset this evening... I know she was also gazing at it's beauty in glee. Did she think of me? What is she feeling? Where is she?
    See! Why am I feeling & thinking like this? I know I can not go back, for I will surely die. I feel to run away but, to where? She is within me.
    What is wrong with me? Where's my pride? What pride? I feel very lost & after 5 years of being abused mentally & emotionally... I don't recall the feelings of normalcy, I don't know who I am or when I died or whom I'm to become. I hope not to be angry & bitter forever. Be still my beating heart
Mar/4/2010, 6:14 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Ig, maybe you should get checked out for depression. You sound depressed. Although certainly we all have bad days like the one you just described. But if you're feeling stuck after 5 years, maybe it's time to ask a doc about some meds that might help unstick you? Hugs!
Mar/15/2010, 5:53 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Heres a weird one
N has just contacted me by email with a list of possessions that he still has of mine. This comes after weeks of LC (only out of financial necessity otherwise it would be NC) and with the fact that I thought I had totally cleared out all possessions.
He has managed to root out a couple. He has also described a pair of trainers that he says belong to him that he thinks my son might be wearing by accident, not knowing they belong to him. He has described them exactly. I know they belong to my son. I begged my son months ago to buy some good trainers because he only had cheap ones and was running some fairly long distances. I was worried he would damage his feet. I gave him £80 to buy these trainers. I have asked my son if they are his (knowing they are) and he confirmed that they are.
He is gas lighting isn't he?
How could he remember the exact description of these shoes so long after? The make, the colour. Plus I was with him everyday for years. I know he didn't own a pair of shoes like this
Apr/26/2010, 12:11 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I will admit on here that I still dip... I guess I pretend it is ok because I believe that he has no way of knowing that I am doing it..... I feel so messed up in the head still.
May/19/2010, 11:38 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


When N first moved out,my son was going through deep depression plus he was [sign in to see URL] was 17 so I thought N should know that.I told him son had attepted suicide but N totally ignored [sign in to see URL] had blocked Ns cell phone number and told his father to never write or try to call on house [sign in to see URL] N has never bothered to try,he just keeps telling everyone I turned our son against [sign in to see URL] was absolutely no contact with N for a month,then I learned N was trying to turn our older son against me.I guess he felt I had one son so he would have the other? What a dirtbag he [sign in to see URL] then I have decided to block his cell phone from mine,I changed our house phone and blocked him from [sign in to see URL] changed our email adresses,just in case and we blocked him and any mutual friends on [sign in to see URL] we'll see how it goes.I'm hoping I can stay strong and not dip.

---
"Being defeated is often a temporary condition.Giving up is what makes it permanent."-Marilyn vos Savant

"When you know yourself,you are empowered.When you accept yourself,you are invincible."-Tina Lifford
May/30/2010, 5:32 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


 emoticon I am new to this post, but I have been reading tons of books and articles on NP. I left my NP 2 months ago and filed for divorce. I have been a wreck to say the [sign in to see URL] am finding out that I am mourning the loss of what I thought we might have had instead of what we actually had. We were married almost 9 years and the last 7 months have been HELL on earth. I found out about an affair that had been going on for over 5 [sign in to see URL], pictures, [sign in to see URL] he has hit me on more than a few occasions. The last time was in [sign in to see URL] I left for good. I had to really depend on 3 friends to keep me from going back to that toxic [sign in to see URL] KNEW how he was but to most everyone [sign in to see URL] is the Perfect gentleman"...It's taken a toll on me to stay away from him even knowing it is the right thing to do. I hadn't read anything about No Contact until I found this [sign in to see URL] I have been answering his emails once a [sign in to see URL] always sets me [sign in to see URL] I didn't really understand [sign in to see URL] know now ..to just make the break once and for [sign in to see URL] more contact for me (hopefully)...once the divorce is final I will be moving across the country and starting [sign in to see URL] it will be much easier [sign in to see URL] for [sign in to see URL] I can just keep myself from making contact I know I will heal [sign in to see URL] you so much for the encouragement here on this [sign in to see URL] is a life saver!
May/31/2010, 1:55 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Hi there I am also new to this site. I wish you luck in your new life. :heart: I left my ex N 3 month ago. I ignore the majority of his calls but do weaken at times and take them, same with his emails. The problem I am facing at the moment is he is due back from working away soon and he lives so close that we can see eachothers front doors! I love my home and could not stand yet another move. I am just hoping that he will eventually get the message and leave me alone. He has told me that he is giving his home up and moving away. I am hoping this isn't another of his lies. Has anyone else been in a similar situation as this (living so close)
The more I read on this site helps me keep strong because it helps knowing he isn't going to change 'cos it's an illness with him
Jun/4/2010, 2:26 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I don't know why, but I check my ex's MySpace everyday, even though it is set to "private". That was how I found out that she entered into a new relationship less than one month after we broke up. During that period, she had been using emotional blackmail against me, with counseling and reconciliation "up in the air", so that she could extort money and a vehicle from me.

After everything that she did to me and my kids, and after two years of not contributing anything to the relationship and very little to our household... I'm still dipping, and I I'm am bothered with myself about it. She will never change, or if she does it will be years and many men from now. I truly miss the ideal that was once there, and I can't shake it, even though I know that she is a dangerous woman.
Jun/16/2010, 7:39 am Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Hello all. I am new to this board and I have to say I am thankful I have found it. I ended my 2 year relationship with an N about 6 weeks ago. It had been a nightmarish, roller coaster of crap and I'd had enough. The trouble was that I didn't end all avenues of contact. I did change my number, which I never caved in and gave him. And it felt very good that he couldn't contact me by phone. It was a stress I was happy to be rid of. But I did leave an e-mail avenue, as well as an internet texting site avenue, and it has been to my detriment. You see, I have also gone through the attempts at NC many, many, may times. His last betrayal was the last straw and I changed my phone number. But I didn't change my e-mail address. I blocked him, but he just made up new names and that allowed him to still e-mail me and beg me back. I stood strong, and didn't buckle, but I still read his e-mails. He sent e-mails and we texted a few times with the internet site in which he still didn't have my number, but he could still text me because I was a member if this site. I'd check my e-mail every day and I'd check the texting site every day. So even though I knew I was done, I was still hanging on, and still hoping he'd do what he said and fight to win me back.

Well, in comes the detriment. I was doing fine. Yes, I let him have some contact, but I was pretty much ignoring him. Last week, I got an e-mail from him. I opened it. He immediately started describing how he'd met someone and went on a date with her. He went into great detail about how ugly I am compared to her. He described how he kissed her and it was wonderful. It was just a nightmare to read. Then, toward the last part of the e-mail he said he still loves me and wants me back. Talk about a mind screw. He was supposed to be fighting to win me back, yet he'd already gone out with someone else. And he chose to tell me about it and make me feel horrible.

So naturally I responded and told him he shouldn't have done that but I wish him well. Then came his responses that its me he wants and loves, etc. etc. which sucked me back in. When I asked him how he could send such a cruel e-mail he said, "I just wanted you to rescue me and tell me you wanted me. I wanted you to take me back from her." I know he is full of crap. He told me her chatting site ID and I contacted her and she pretty much told me what I [sign in to see URL] was the one who saw that he was nuts and she had been ignoring him. And even up until that very day I contacted her, which was 3 days after their date, he had been trying to get her to talk to him. He'd told me he chased her off the day after the date and hadn't contacted her since. Just more lies on top of lies.

The last week has been terrible and its made me sick. What is my point? That everyone who says 100% NC is the only way is 100% right. You might think you are strong and that you can handle seeing e-mails as long as you don't answer, but if you still have any emotional investment, the only way for your well-being is 100% NC. What I have finally realized in myself is that I am only "strong" when I think he still wants me and is upset over losing me. I am only doing okay when he isn't. Having him tell me that he is dating and trying to make me feel like crap about it only harms me more. He has turned out to be way more cruel and sick than I ever thought possible in the 2 years I was with him and dealt with all kinds of crap.

I have decided to create a new e-mail address and get rid of the internet texting site. Its going to hurt that I am never going to have any contact from him, but at the same time, its the only way. I am so sick of the pain.

My story is so much more than this, I just wanted to agree that absolutely any form of contact is NO good with these people. They will use it to harm you. I am going 100% NC.

Last edited by BetterInTime, Jun/16/2010, 8:55 am
Jun/16/2010, 8:45 am Link to this post  
 
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