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mandyn Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


.i no longer have contact with my mother for several years due to her unreasonable behaviour ,i have had a nervous breakdown triggered by this,i have always blamed myself,whilst knowing deep down i have done nothing wrong,whilst never telling folk in case they thought i was a problem [sign in to see URL] a relief to know i am not alone in this situation.i am trying to recover,but have bad [sign in to see URL] dad never contacts me either,he is the enabling father you have mentioned on this site,my brother blamed me for my conduct(he lives in aussie),the golden boy!he has lived there for 20 years ,and knows little of my relationship with my [sign in to see URL] since i recently told him about my breakdown,he has started to listen.i had never heard of npd,till i bought a book by karyl mcbride(found on amazon).i answered yes to nearly all the questions she asked about my mum,on whether she has [sign in to see URL] has had a real bad effect on my mental health.
Sep/8/2010, 11:14 am Link to this post  
 
Toogiving1 Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I have been NC for a month now and I feel so much happier. I am back into playing tennis (I was too depressed while with N) and I feel that life is once again really good! I do think about N every day and even think about unblocking his number. Then I remind myself of the hell I was in due to his tormenting my soul. I AM NOT going back to that hell. I tell myself he is now tormenting some OW's soul and I feel sorry for her.

FYI: My relationship with my ex-N was only 8 months. I can't imagine what it would have been like had I been married to him for several years. I admire the courage of those of you who have had long-term relationships with an N and got out. I was able to get my life back in a short time. My soul is now free and I am smiling again!emoticon

Sep/9/2010, 7:56 pm Link to this post  
 
rboss1024 Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Thank [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL]!! I am still learning "The Hard Way" that NO CONTACT is the only thing that saves my sanity!! I try to have NC but if he isnt calling [sign in to see URL] is texting [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL] messages after message!!Its absolutely [sign in to see URL] just sooo [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL] come to this place for healing and I get [sign in to see URL] knows what we go thru dealing with this kind of nonsense... I [sign in to see URL] must do better with [sign in to see URL] years and it always ends the same!!
Sep/11/2010, 7:36 pm Link to this post  
 
Fuse536 Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I can't believe how quickly and thoroughly a person with this disorder got to me. Signs of a problem were subtle and spaced out as the courtship began - and we cut it off before things got bad, but it's incredible how close I let this person get & the scale to which it hurt when episodes came up.

We split after only 5 months yet I'm devastated. How does one deal the realization that the person they fell in love with isn't real? She'll never be able to provide the love a healthy relationship commands, and will inevitably cause a great deal of suffering to herself and many [sign in to see URL] to an incurable mental disease which doesn't even present a choice. Loosing this person forever feels awful, knowing her life will be filled emotional isolation and chaos is tragic.

Thank goodness for this form and the wealth of available information published about NPD. Once the light bulb went off that this is what was going on the path became clear. It sucks in a major way but she has to face her own karma - I am not "supply" for anybody.
Oct/19/2010, 5:24 pm Link to this post  
 
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Thank you for this. I am new to all of this. Although I have only been seeing my N for 2 months, I was lucky enough to realize what he is. Plus. 2 of my close friends had long-term relationships with Ns so they saw the signs long before I did.

[sign in to see URL] said, I've already broken up with my N 3 times for various abuses. And each time, I somehow find myself back with him. This is exactly bc of the contact thing. I just contact him as if he's a normal, healthy person--as I have done with many past boyfriends--just to see if he's okay, etc. But he's not normal. He's manipulative.

I am not yet at the NC point, but I am very close. And I think interacting with this group will definitely help me. Thank you again.
Nov/2/2010, 8:29 am Link to this post  
 
Smarter Blonde Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Samba girl, that is a good point. You would be able to contact a normal person. With N's, it's a whole different ballgame.

It took me many times of being cheated on,lied to, used etc etc and finally .... thankfully ...... there was the "last straw" and I have been NC for about 6 weeks.

You will find your last straw and begin moving forward in your life.

Smarter Blonde (formerly LuvUButILoveMeMore)
Nov/18/2010, 10:13 pm Link to this post  
 
Kutcheekoo Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I had been NC with the N for about 7 days and then this Monday I received a card and a phone message. Tuesday 3 phone messages, Wed 4 page letter and 2 phone messages, yesterday 4 phone [sign in to see URL] listened to the messages, and I "know" that is N-Dipping.

Last night I was beside myself and feeling really awful, and I know why. I had been listening to the phone messages. No more!

I was worried about how my NC was affecting him. I know the phone messages will start to escalate - especially when he finds out I sent his house key by Registered Mail a week ago and he still hasn't picked it up. He also thought his 4 page letter would do the trick.

I know that when gets the key, he'll start the crying routine, and I have weakened every time with those phone messages. He has been so convincing and everything in me in the past has wanted to rescue him from his abandonment issues.

Both the card and the letter were partially about how I could get help with my problem - he said medication can help. He knows I can get better, and then I wouldn't react to his behavior anymore. He wrote about how much better I was doing - hardly any reactions in 8 months in a 2 year relationship.

NC in every way is the answer. Please do not be tempted by his voice. His voice is what has hooked me from the beginning. It reminds me of how my Dad hooked me in when my Mom was mistreating him. Gee the pull is strong but I know that with each NC moment, I will get stronger and connecting on this board makes me even more resilient.

I am hanging onto you wonderful people and others who are practicing NC right now, and we are all making each other stronger and healthier with every minute we stand apart and stay away from the N!
Nov/19/2010, 8:58 am Link to this post  
 
Kutcheekoo Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Here I am again. I spent the afternoon reading the Best of [sign in to see URL]., and that is keeping me strong.

I just implemented a feature by Telus called Call Screen so I can now block the N's calls from work and home! When he calls, he will be prompted with "The party you are trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time."
And he cannot leave a message. Yes!!! Man, does that feeling empowering but scary at the same time.

I am scared he will come and visit me, but I have changed my locks, and I am lucky that my whole family lives in town in case I need to get away. I also have friends close enough too around that I can bunk with for as long as I need to.

Luckily the N and I live 40 min apart, and he works afternoons and me days.

I spent my morning day off with a 97 year old friend who is as sharp as a whip. He does horse-racing on the computer. I don't tell him about my problems with the N, but he didn't like him the 1st time he met him over a year ago. He emailed me after our visit and told me he didn't like the way N spoke to me and to never bring him to his place again. He said that I could do a lot better. As if that isn't a red flag waving from the computer screen.

Thanks to all of you for helping me stay strong and committed to NC. I am crying for tears of joy now 'cause I know I can really do it. emoticon
Nov/19/2010, 6:41 pm Link to this post  
 
Kutcheekoo Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


The N's sister emailed me tonight, and asked me to contact the N for closure. She had said a previous boyfriend had ended it with her in the same way I was trying to end it with the N, and she was devastated. I guess I got sucked in and called him but he wouldn't pick up the phone so I left a message. I called again, and he still wouldn't pick up the phone.

Now I feel like a fool. I know he is feeling better now that he was able to pay me back for the NC by not answering the phone.

Anyways, I am kind of shaking right now because I was doing so good with the NC.

Well, back to the NC again.
Nov/20/2010, 11:40 pm Link to this post  
 
songoffreedom Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Kutcheekoo; don't get down on yourself for making a call; just maintain NC now and [sign in to see URL] was "his chance" and he would rather power over you than talk with you; it was actually very enlighen to see his N [sign in to see URL] good care of yourself...

remember NC w/N's sister, don't take or listen to voice mail, email or text about him from her or anyone else at [sign in to see URL] like she is N also...

I have been NC really for over a [sign in to see URL] by email and phone "about marriage" since May and communications mainly on email (he doesn't text) absolutely ONLY about son (lives with me) since August. I have opened his last email and I will NOT open anymore.

I am sending him a "goodbye" letter that if he has anything to say about our son, he must send an email and put the entire message in the subject line becauase I will no longer open them.

Things can be more complicated with NC with a child involved; we "only talk" (actually I TELL him what I have already done; no input required) or he gives me information about our son's habits or when he is with his dad.

living with a N is H*ll,
NC with them is PURE HEAVEN!!!
Dec/4/2010, 5:37 am Link to this post  
 
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