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Kutcheekoo Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Thanks Songoffreedom. I hope the "Goodbye" letter does the trick for your situation. I can't imagine having a child with N, and I think it is doubly hard for you and those of you who have children with the Ns. Not only do you have to protect yourself you have to protect your children too.

I am back to NC for just a week now, and like Echo4 says it certainly delays the healing. I was doing so well after 2 weeks (even though I broke it off a month ago), and have allow N-Dipping up until last Sat.

Yes, I have ended contact the N's sister, who could possibly be an N.

NC is the only way because I have wanted to contact the N so much today, and it is only because I broke NC a week ago. I know the strength will come from NC day after day and staying connected to this board and all you magnificent people!
Dec/4/2010, 6:55 pm Link to this post  
 
grammyjan Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I just joined this forum today. I have been in an "on again - off again" relationship with this N man for over 18 years. Last evening he yelled at me on the phone because I asked him why he wouldn't talk on the phone to me when his friends were at his house. I tried to call him back and he won't answer the phone. I just called him again and he acts as if I have done some terrible thing to him. I am constantly kept off balance by his moodiness. I am always walking on eggshells with him because I never know what will set him off. I have known for a long time now that I need to end this destructive relationship. I need some help not caving in and calling him. I know he will eventually call me or come to my house because that is what he always has done in the past. The NC is what I think will help me break away from this abuse, but it is so very hard to do. I don't know how to do this or where to begin. Any support would be helpful at this crises point in my life. emoticon
Dec/5/2010, 11:39 am Link to this post  
 
Kuldip Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Another bad day. I want so badly to email her and ask how she could turn off all emotions so quickly, or if she thinks about me or still cares even a bit.

I miss her and know how very wrong she was for me.
Jan/5/2011, 1:16 pm Link to this post  
 
GoWest Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Hi Kuldip,

I am sorry you are going through this. I understand wondering why did the N do this?

But you know if you email her and she doesn't respond, how much worse will you feel?

If you are feeling like you are going to contact her, will you please post a separate subject topic, so you can get feedback from more members.

Thinking good thoughts for you,
Go West
Jan/6/2011, 8:29 am Link to this post  
 
aliveagain Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Thank you for this post. I will read it every day. 6 months out from a 30yr friendship?/ 10yr relationship? with a NPD! It has been really rough. Saturday is the "Burning Party"...everything goes in the fire; old emails, old investigations, deleting voice mails, photos, things left behind. Interesting enough I am doing this with his sister which he molested as a child. Free and alive again!
Jan/6/2011, 11:45 pm Link to this post  
 
InTheGray Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Lynn,

I am new to this board and it is this post that made me join. In a moment of desperation and weakness I [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL] for something to help me get through another attempt at NC. That is when I found your post. Thank you. I then read the post about Gaslighting and the sample [sign in to see URL] was like the person who wrote it had taken it right from my experiences. I am having a difficult time and know I need help however I seem to have lost trust completely. I am experiencing severe depression along with panic attacks. How can a person do such harm to [sign in to see URL] come I let him. Last year I would have laughed at the possibility of someone pulling the wool over my eyes like he has done. I used to wonder what the heck was wrong with "those women" that let someone take advantage of them or who stay in an abusive [sign in to see URL] am just so tired of this and want it over.
Jan/7/2011, 4:26 am Link to this post  
 
InTheGray Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I have blocked his cell and his work number. I also blocked his emails. I know it is so hard to pull away and I am struggling with it myself. This is the only way. I have moments of major anxiety that makes me want to talk to [sign in to see URL] if I wait a few minutes it passes.
It helps to think about all of the [sign in to see URL] these moments. It is not easy but you don't want to lose your sanity over [sign in to see URL] he knows you are always going to be [sign in to see URL] and willing to take his [sign in to see URL] ONE deserves what these abusers dish [sign in to see URL] have to re-wire our brains. [sign in to see URL] your numbers/block his number/filter out his [sign in to see URL] you need to do today.
Jan/7/2011, 4:43 am Link to this post  
 
aussigirl Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I am stuck in never-never land with N for a few more [sign in to see URL] quite shut him out yet due to our youngest who is 15.

I look forward to the day I can break off contact with N because I get suckered in when I speak with him and he is all normal and friendly. I start questioning whether I am doing the right thing or if its even as bad as I remember. I have to go re-visit all those awful memories of what he has said and done over the last 27 years to see that he is toxic to me and to my lovely sons.






---
What you do, speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say. Ralph W. Emerson
Feb/5/2011, 10:30 am Link to this post  
 
GeorgiaPeach09 Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


Total NC is the only way to break the ties to an N. It is also the hardest thing to do. Cutting all contact and all means of contact when your heart is still longing for that facade of the man/woman you thought he/she was is tough to bear . It's so final . Your still hoping he or she will wake up and realize what they've lost . Still hoping for the " I'm sorry " and I " love " you . You want so badly for it all to be made right. Not going to happen.

They only possible way to start healing is cutting all avenues of contact . If it means holding off contact for one [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL] it. Don't text him , don't call , don't e-mail. Think of your pride ( what you manage to salvage ) , your value ( which he obviously doesn't appreciate ) your self-respect ( which he tried hard to destroy ) your loving nature ( which is laughable and puzzling ) to him , your dignity ( which he made you swallow time after time ) and DON'T TOUCH THAT PHONE !!

He doesn't care how your hurting , how many tears you shed, the pain in your heart , the confusion in your head. HE DOES NOT CARE ! It means NOTHING to him. Hard pill to swallow when you love the N so much. But it's not mutual and never will be. Not ever . He's not capable of feeling like you do. He's probably even hinted at it . And you didn't hear him because YOU will change his mind. Did it work ? No it didn't. Just like the ones before you and those who will follow you.

He may get angry ...oh well. He may cry ...the tears are fake. He may threaten you ...call the police and report him. But SAVE yourself from further trauma by this damaged person. He won't change ...but YOU will. You'll lose your joy , confidence, family , friends, and worst of all ....YOURSELF. You won't recognize yourself when he's done with you. Disappear off his radar. Make it too hard to contact you and he'll find a new supply ...BUT ...never drop your defenses. He'll sense when you've relaxed and your boundaries are weak and he'll hone in on you again. Just for laughs . Just for some drive by supply , just to humilate and hurt you [sign in to see URL] old times sake. NC is what you must do . If you slip now and [sign in to see URL] prepared for what he'll dish out. If that happens , buck up and go NC again. And again and again until he's just a distant unpleasant memory.
Feb/13/2011, 11:47 pm Link to this post  
 
msgig Profile
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Re: No Contact and N-Dipping


I N-dipped last week and before the week was out, he'd turned nasty again. So, I sent the No Contact email to him and then printed out the No Contact Statement found in the Featured Section (Sidebar). (It's fantastic and so empowering!) I have the statement on 3 recipe cards on my bedside table next to the phone and wherever I have an extension. After I sent the No Contact email, he ignored it and sent 2 emails about it being too hard to be with [sign in to see URL] guess cause he couldn't get all he needed from me - my complete submission. I didn't respond to these last 2 emails, but then yesterday I checked my snail mail and there were two letters predating the No Contact but during another time we'd split again. (We were apart more than we were together). I took out my pen and right there, wrote Return to Sender on the envelopes. It felt great. At home, later I found some emails he'd sent a year ago and I found myself roaring with laughter because they were love letters but talk about magical [sign in to see URL] were uproariously funny to me this time.
Feb/14/2011, 10:07 am Link to this post  
 
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