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mamiwata Profile
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Registered: 07-2009
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I am letting you go...


I am letting you go
Not because I want to, but because I have to

I am letting you go
Wishing you would say something to make it better,
Knowing that you can’t
Because what could you say
After everything that’s happened?
What could you say to make abuse okay?
I’m not sure I can forgive you (yet again) – though I want to.
And just saying that sounds stupid and weak.
You’re not that great, smart, handsome or well-heeled
And even if you were
I don’t want to be dead – or suffering through some slightly different version of the past 7 years.
And certainly, one or the other is inevitable - if I stay
So even though it makes me sad and scared to be alone

I am letting you go
Knowing that if you read this, you’ll never recognize your part in this play
No narcissist or sociopath ever does
And I’d only be hurting myself
If I deluded myself into thinking you would
Or that you would care if you did

I am letting you go
Because right now, I am the one with the problem
Obsessing
Wishing for things that won’t be
Knowing how you will always be
Wreaking havoc, causing chaos, bruising flesh, smashing dreams, irreparably damaging
Hearts, spirits, bodies, self-esteem
With your hands, fists, your indifference and your words
No matter how hard I try
I can’t rationalize this into something right or good
God knows I’ve tried
God has shown me all the signs
God is shaking her head in frustration at me
Wondering what it’s going to take for me see
Do I have to end up dead in order to be free?

I see.

So, I’m letting you go.
No kind words left to impart.
No slightly cracked door to offer you a way back in.
The porch light is on
But not for you
You can and probably will

•snicker at my weakness, ridicule my strength
•Tell me it’s all my fault -- and look what I gave up, what I’m missing, what I messed up
•Threaten my well-being
•Taunt me with descriptions of my younger, richer, prettier and sexier replacement

(And yes, I know – he or she - yes I said it exactly that way -- he or she was always the concurrent game you played. I always knew. Shame on me – I always knew.)

But that’s okay.
Because I can finally definitively say –
It’s NOT okay
For me (or anyone else for that matter) to be treated that way.
So

I’m letting you go.
And eventually
I know
I will not only be okay
I will be better.
Jul/28/2009, 8:37 pm Link to this post  
 
Mountaingirrl Profile
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posticon Re: I am letting you go...


I am so sorry... I know your hurt. One day soon we will not be so sad. You are doing the right thing and I think that now we have decided to leave we will feel better once they are out of our lives. Be strong. We deserve love and not abuse.
Jul/30/2009, 6:07 pm Link to this post  
 
Jennynoelle Profile
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Re: I am letting you go...


This poem says it ALL for me as well. GREAT POEM. I will always save this one. she is right, one day you will not be sad anymore. I tell myself that everyday. look ahead, dont look back. God will reward better things for you, he loves you so much, he has much better plans for you. Hugssssss.
Aug/16/2012, 1:02 pm Link to this post  
 
glad2beme Profile
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Registered: 04-2012
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Re: I am letting you go...


 emoticon Love this!!!

Turn pain into wisdom
Oprah
Aug/17/2012, 3:53 pm Link to this post  
 
yankeefan617 Profile
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Re: I am letting you go...


WOW... I AM SPEECHLESS!!!
Sep/18/2012, 12:05 am Link to this post  
 
earlofspank Profile
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Registered: 10-2013
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Re: I am letting you go...


As always a replacement in the wings. Funny how seven years is such a recurring theme in so many areas of life, including my nars relationship. One of the lasting feelings I have is of being attacked; even as I post on here I fear retaliation from other site members. Its become part of my nature now, I hope one day it will go away. My nars inspired this poem from me, funny though I hardly write nowadays; again I feel it is from some irrational fear which I find difficult to pin down.

What petty despot cannot bear to witness,
the dance and play of free mind and spirit
The gifts possessed by those with love for life and fellow man,
that induce such rage and bitter envy in shackled minds, ignorant and fearful
And so they scheme to smash and supplicate
to ease their burning hate
But for every flower strangled by baleful weed
another will come and revive with kind, gentle deed,
my beautiful.......
Oct/27/2013, 10:35 am Link to this post  
 


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