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Registered: 11-2008
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The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy


Even with all these precautions, your abusive ex is likely to find you,
furious that you have fled and evaded him, raging at your newfound
existence, suspicious and resentful of your freedom and personal autonomy.
Violence is more than likely. Unless deterred, paranoid former spouses tend
to be harmful, even lethal.

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He strongly disapproves of others' personal autonomy and independence. Even
innocuous activities, such as meeting a friend or visiting one's family
require his permission. Gradually, he isolates his nearest and dearest until
they are fully dependent on him emotionally, sexually, financially, and
socially.

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Is he pressing you for exclusivity, instant intimacy, almost rapes you and
acts jealous when you as much as cast a glance at another male? Does he
inform you that, once you get hitched, you should abandon your studies or
resign your job (forgo your personal autonomy)?

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We are all dependent to some degree. We all like to be taken care of. When
is this need judged to be pathological, compulsive, pervasive, and
excessive? Clinicians who contributed to the study of this disorder use
words such as "craving", "clinging", "stifling" (both the dependent and her
partner), and "humiliating", or "submissive". But these are all subjective
terms, open to disagreement and differences of opinion.

Moreover, virtually all cultures encourage dependency to varying degrees.
Even in developed countries, many women, the very old, the very young, the
sick, the criminal, and the mentally-handicapped are denied personal
autonomy and are legally and economically dependent on others (or on the
authorities). Thus, the Dependent Personality Disorder is diagnosed only
when such behavior does not conform with social or cultural norms.

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Your abuser is likely to be provoked to extremes by signs of your personal
autonomy. Conceal your thoughts and plans, make no overt choices and express
no preferences, never mention your emotions, needs, earnings, wages,
profits, or trust money. Tell him how much you rely on him to reach the
right decisions for both of you. Play dumb - but not too dumb, or it may be
provoke his suspicions. It is a thin line between pleasing the abuser and
rendering him a raving paranoid.

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The inverted narcissist is compelled to filter all of her narcissistic needs
through the primary narcissist in her life. Independence or personal
autonomy are not permitted. The IN feels amplified by the narcissist's
running commentary (because nothing can be accomplished by the invert
without the approval of a primary narcissist in their lives).

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The pedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an extension of
himself, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. He
finds the child's submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. He frowns on
any sign of personal autonomy and regards it as a threat. By intimidating,
cajoling, charming, and making false promises, the abuser isolates his prey
from his family, school, peers, and from the rest of society and, thus,
makes the child's dependence on him total.

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If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family
members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers – in
short, third parties – to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce,
threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and
otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments
exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same
mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job
is done.

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These may also be of help - click on the links:

The Narcissist's Victims

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Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths

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Mourning the Narcissist

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The Three Forms of Closure

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Back to La-la Land

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The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist

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Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid
of Him?

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Traumas as Social Interactions

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How Victims are Affected by Abuse

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How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

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How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

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Surviving the Narcissist

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The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive
Narcissists

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Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder

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The Dependent Patient - A Case Study

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Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome

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The Cult of the Narcissist

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Take care.

Sam


---
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 16 books and video lectures on 3 DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Sep/28/2009, 6:03 am Link to this post  
 


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