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Six Tips for Dating Online, IM
Six Tips for Dating Online, IM
Our Expert Panel Spells Out Online Dating Success
By Brandon De Hoyos, About.com
1.. Promoting IM Safety
Every year, more than 15 percent of Internet users use IM and other Internet tools to meet new people for love and marriage.
Unfortunately, a great many of those folks can also attest to suffering heartbreak while dating online.
What’s an online Romeo or Juliet to do? We asked our panel of expert relationships gurus demystify Internet dating and they gave us six very great tips on how to find success (and love) online!
Six Tips for Finding Love Online
1.. Move It Offline. “Don't make the Internet your exclusive dating venue and don't use it to shield you from life itself . Deploy it merely to find information and reach out and, on the first opportunity, log off and go out there to confront multidimensional reality with all its complexity and ambiguities. Do not use the Internet to fend off potential hurt: there is no growth without pain and no progress without experience.” – Sam Vaknin, Ph.D., of the UK, author of “Malignant Self Love-Narcissism Revisited”.
2.. Make Finding Love Like Job Searching. “Take time to research the facts about the person and spend time together and meet each other’s friends. Make your decision based on all the information and keep track of inconsistencies between words spoken and actions. Rule out anyone that has inconsistencies and vague backgrounds.” – Julieta Macias, Ph.D., of Rockville, Maryland, Life Executive Coach at Macias Consulting.
3.. Profiles Aren’t the Whole Story. “You must be careful not to fall in love with a profile instead of a person… watch for all the normal red flags online. If someone refuses to give you their number or can’t get together on weekends and so forth, they may very likely be married. If someone uses a misrepresentative photo, they have poor self-esteem and may very well be lying about other things, too. Walk away or address red flags head on, otherwise you will be hurt down the road.” –Ian Coburn, of Chicago, Ill., dating columnist and author, “God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.”
4.. Be Sexy, But Cautious. “Sexual banter exchanged via IM or text, as part of a well-rounded relationship, can be fun and lighthearted. But sex is the ultimate experience that is best shared in person rather than via web cam and IM. To ignore that key element – that most of us human beings crave touching and being touched by others that we care about – is to lose a key element of our humanity and joy. Be cautious with cyber sex and texting inappropriate messages. Certainly it’s important to understand that naked photos sent by phone after a night of drinking can end up all over campus three nights later.” – Dr. Juan Carlos Paredes, M.D., founder and medical director of South Beach Clinic, in Miami Beach, Fla.
5.. Cool Down the Keyboard. “An online breakup can be as real and as painful as any real life relationship breakup. It may be tempting to try to quickly seek a replacement for the relationship, but it's important to take some time to process what went wrong. Thoughtfully consider what you would like to do differently before beginning a new relationship. The human heart seems to be engineered for love, so it's both natural and brave to want to try again. But take your time. Protect your fragile heart.” – Rebecca Burton, LMFT, of South Windsor, Conn., Licensed Psychotherapist in private practice.
6.. Never Give Up. “Sometimes it takes a while longer for some than it does for others [to find love], but don’t be discouraged by a few rejections; it happens to everyone. A rejection is never the end of the world, typically it will lead you to a better situation in the future, so don’t get discouraged!” – Meredith Ward, of Houston, student at the University of Houston-Clear Lake, Clinical Psychology program.
Got Your Own Online Dating Tips? Share your advice for find love online in our IM Forums today! Your advice might just wind up in a future article on About.com!
More on Online Dating
Heartbreak and Online DatingTrue Story: I Fell in Love with an Internet Scammer
Promoting IM Safety
a.. Five Tips for IM Safety
b.. Dating Online and Heartbreak
c.. Falling In Love with a Scam Artist
d.. Three Steps to Stopping a Cyberbully
e.. McCain, Obama Agree on IM Security for Kids
Brandon De Hoyos
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Jan/12/2009, 10:45 am
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