You're welcome.
Are you walking on eggshells with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
Welcome to our Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopath Survivors Group.
A Learning, Resource and Support Forum.       Sign up (learn about it) | Sign in (lost password?)

samvaknin Profile
Live feed
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 3987
Karma: 34 (+34/-0)
Reply | Quote
20 Extremely Brutal Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist

20 Extremely Brutal Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist
Photo: Getty
Brenda Della Casa
Confident, charismatic, and overwhelmingly charming, there are few who can compete with a narcissist when it comes to making a fantastic first impression. There are those who can see through the mask and those who can't. The latter will learn the hard way.
Even though the word narcissist has been around since the behavior disorder was found by British essayist and physician Havelock Ellis in 1898, many people still have difficulty spotting one.
Narcissism is an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), according to Mayo Clinic, is a "disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance and is found more commonly in men."
What are the red flags of a narcissist?
More than simply someone who likes to look in the mirror and talk about themselves, narcissists are master manipulators with a strong objective to objectify and an inability to empathize.
The top warning signs of narcissistic behavior are a person who is entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive.
Physiologists say those with NPD are actually very fragile people: "They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning. Due to their extreme vulnerability, they crave power and vigilantly must control their environment, people around them, and their feelings. Displays of vulnerable feelings, such as fear, shame, or sadness, are intolerable signs of weakness both in themselves and others."
RELATED: 5 Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use To Get Inside Your Head
How does a narcissist act in a relationship?
Narcissists will do every possible thing they can to suck every last ounce of dignity and security out of their partners. They act like this because their brains are wired differently, either due to nurture or nature.
A narcissistic romantic partner can be controlling, emotionally cold, always blaming their spouse or partner, projecting their insecurities onto others, and gaslighting them.
Relationships with narcissistic people can be more than painful — it can be downright dangerous.
How do you know you're dating a narcissist? Most of the time, if you're paying attention to their actions, you can pick up on little things that will point you in the direction of red flags. For instance, if they make you feel inferior or make you feel dumb, you could be in love with a narcissist.
Here are 20 signs you're dating a narcissist (only a clinical psychologist can say for sure), and the many ways they'll ruin your life.
1. They're often super-attractive.
Even if they aren't Johnny Depp "gorgeous," their confidence, charm, and ability to "own a room" is an initial turn-on.
Until, of course, you're in your 30th conversation where you're being dominated, condescended, and shocked by their arrogant peacocking.
2. They mistake kindness for weakness.
Anyone who has ever found themselves pleading with a narcissist knows that the kinder you are, the meaner they become. These folks feel entitled to be cruel and will even go so far as to congratulate and brag about their ability to "cut people out," be "harsh," and humiliate others.
You may hear these kinds of statements slowly in the beginning, but because they're so "wonderful" in other areas at the time, you may write them off as situation-specific, or think you're misunderstanding them. You'll only really understand how serious of an issue this is during the discard phase when their lack of empathy comes out in its most concentrated form.
Victims will be treated in such a dismissive manner, and with such brutality that many will be left feeling they had to have caused it as no normal human being would ever respond that way over something so small or "nothing".
That's the point you need to hold onto. No "normal" human being would.
3. They say you're perfect... until you're not.
Narcissists are masters of love bombing, which is "an attempt to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection."
At the beginning of your relationship when you first started dating, they will text you constantly, want to see you as much as possible, and tell you all the things you want to hear: you're perfect, you're an "angel from heaven," you're extremely smart, and so on.
They do this to make you dependent on them, while also testing your boundaries. Are you going to back away or go with it? Will you reciprocate and follow suit? This shows them how much self-confidence you have and how strong you draw a line in the sand.
Once they discover that you're human, holy devaluation, Batman! You'll not only be told the opposite but you'll be punished for your "imperfections," which are often exaggerated and sometimes nonexistent projections.
Punishment often includes terrible statements meant to degrade, demean, humiliate or stonewall you (not allowing you to express yourself). They withhold affection, and of course, give you the infamous narcissistic misericord, aka the "silent treatment."
They may even spread nasty rumors about you behind your back.

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

Buy 16 books and video lectures on 3 DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
May/20/2021, 2:30 pm Link to this post  
samvaknin Profile
Live feed
Miscellaneous info

Registered user

Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 3987
Karma: 34 (+34/-0)
Reply | Quote
Re: 20 Extremely Brutal Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist

4. They're incredibly jealous of others.
Successful and happy? Good looking and confident? Have a lot of friends or are a great cook? You're screwed.
Remember the business card scene in "American Psycho"? The narcissist I was with told me he related to that scene as though it was perfectly normal.
Narcissists also tend to be very jealous partners but only because, in their mind, you're a mere extension and a source of narcissistic supply, which they need to keep close and under their control.
They will often be very threatened by any success or attention you receive for fear they will lose access to said supply and either react with anger or faux caring.
Don't make the mistake of thinking it's you they want; it isn't. It's your attention, good or bad. That's it.
5. They're prone to cheating.
Will they forgo narcissistic supply in order to protect your feelings, which they don't understand, relate to, or care about? Guess how that one goes.
Hell, a narcissistic partner may even do it just to hurt you.
RELATED: There Are 3 Types Of Narcissists — Here's How To Spot Each One
6. They use sex as a weapon.
They may watch porn, cheat, and think they're God's gift to the world, but because of their disdain for intimate connections, many narcissists prefer masturbation to sex with another person. They're known to make their partners go without sex as a way to frustrate, punish, and even humiliate them (out and out choosing porn over sex with them — and letting them know).
According to Dr. Sam Vaknin, a self-confessed narcissist and author of "Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited," all narcissists abhor intimacy and use sex as a weapon. Somatic narcissists "masturbate with partners" whereas cerebral narcissists, males, in particular, despise women and view sex with them as a "chore."
Cerebrals only have it on occasion to keep their source of supply (their partner) from leaving them.
7. They're big on threesomes.
No, not that kind. Narcissists love to set up "triangles" where their partners feel "at odds" with someone else, and jealousy and fighting for love and attention can ensue (ah, the supply!).
This could be with an ex, a mother, or a friend, but the point is to make sure they're at the center of attention and desire. This is known as triangulation and it's meant to make you feel insecure, undesirable, and keep you anxious and "on your toes."
8. They're Einstein and you're an idiot.
Not really, of course, but narcissists truly believe they're the only people left on earth who know anything, maintain any culture or sophistication, or are capable of having a rational thought.
Whatever you think, they will challenge and take it five steps further to make sure you're sufficiently exhausted and give up just to shut them up.
9. They're all about control.
Because of their need to feel powerful and special, narcissists tend not to engage in situations they cannot control. They're on a constant quest for narcissistic supply, which means that everyone they come in contact with is seen as an extension of themselves, thus under their control and used as a means to an end.
Narcissists often charm and build up those with big titles and those who showcase low self-esteem (the first offers access to supply, while the second often offers an excess of it). Anyone the narcissist can't compete with or control is devalued immediately.
Note: All will be devalued eventually.
10. They rage — a lot.
We're not talking about a little tantrum here and there, but full-blown, burn-the-proverbial-house-down rages that often include seriously hurtful comments meant to demean, degrade and devalue whomever they've decided has criticized them.
And make no mistake, everything can be seen as criticism, including being told they've hurt you. You think you're sharing information to build a better relationship, whereas they think you're deceiving them.
Yes, you read that correctly. When you tell a narcissist that you're hurt or have any point, really, they won't concede or agree with you (even if you're right).
Instead, they'll assume you're trying to get one over on them. They are, in fact, perfect and superior, so the very idea that they would do anything wrong, such as "hurt" someone else, is unfathomable to them.
They will also go off the rails if called narcissistic.
11. They lie about everything.
It could be something small about their favorite TV show as a child, or big like promising to be faithful, but narcissists aren't big on telling the truth, mainly because it's not that interesting (they're pretty dull people at the core).
They will pretend to be into everything you're into, so much that you may find them repeating your words as their own to others.
12. They often have a weird giggle.
It's something only someone who has engaged a narcissist really understands, but they will almost laugh at themselves in quick, manic, awkward giggles. It usually happens when they're telling some kind of overblown story and are sharing how they were "above" someone in some way.
The narcissist I knew burst into laughter when friends and I were discussing another friend's cancer diagnosis. When I stared at him in disbelief, he became full of rage and said, "What? I was thinking about a Balderdash question!"

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

Buy 16 books and video lectures on 3 DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
May/20/2021, 2:31 pm Link to this post  

Add a reply

You are not logged in (login)