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Registered: 10-2008
Posts: 2215
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Blame: Bluebeard

Artwork: Rackham, Arthur, illustrator and compiler. The Arthur Rackham Fairy Book: A Book of Old Favourites With New Illustrations. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott Co., 1933.


The story of Bluebeard is a classic example of how an abuser operates. Bluebeard blamed his wife's disobedience to him for his reaction and choice to punish her, to rage, and to abuse. His murderous intent was always there; he had abused before. He set his new wife up to fail so that he could once again unleash his dark impulses onto another victim and blame her for his actions. Full Text of the story here: The Story of Bluebeard by Charles Perrault

Blame is a central defense mechanism in a narcissistically disordered person. It is a reaction which is used to discharge any shame that threatens the narcissist's false self.

A good overview of NPD can be found in an essay called Narcissism in the Pulpit . While it is geared toward Narcissism as it manifests itself in the clergy, it contains a wealth of information about Narcissism in general. The essay is thorough and the points made are reinforced through use of excerpts and quotes by several authors and psychologists who have written on the subject of NPD

The discussion contained in the essay in regard to shame and blame is especially good. Excerpts follow. Click the link for the entire article.

Narcissism in the Pulpit



"Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways - to face it, neutralize it, and move on as healthier individuals do - leads to the characteristic postures, attitudes, and behavior of the Narcissist" (Hotchkiss p.6)

 "Any criticism will stir up that shame, and narcissistic behaviors which are designed to take the focus off the shame, and project blame on others. Regardless of his culpability, the NPD person will blame everyone else or the circumstances of his life rather than acknowledge that he has significant problems. A person who has psychological pain and is able to see his problems and expects others to take responsibility instead. Consequently, the deep and severe disturbance of an NPD person is primarily seen in the pain he or she inflicts on others." (Payson, p. 17)

“Narcissists forever shift the blame, pass the buck, and engage in cognitive dissonance.” (Vaknin)

The above quotes from the article were attributed to the following authors and works:

Payson, Elenor D. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists Julian Day Publ., Royal Oak Michigan, 2002.

Hotchkiss, Sandy. Why it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism Free Press, New York, NY, 2003.

Vaknin, Sam. Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
Oct/26/2008, 7:12 pm Link to this post  

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